Pandemic Level Mom Guilt

Photo credit: Fusion Medical Animation

My Mom guilt is in overdrive this morning. On the way to take kids to school this morning, my teenager reminded me that I STILL haven't taken her to get her learner's permit. 

The tears started flowing. I was already feeling guilty this morning and that was the breaking point of feeling like a failure as a Mom. 

Here's the deal. I have a major dilemma right now. I have an almost two year old. I decided early in the summer that, when the kids went back to school in the fall, I was going to put him in daycare. I even picked out the daycare, which is right between the other two kids's schools. It was perfect. I could finally work without having to stop every few minutes to care for a toddler.

He's never been to daycare because of Coronavirus. No more than he was old enough to start considering daycare, Coronavirus had hit. I had the other two kids at home, anyway. We did remote most of the year last year, too. But, things were looking so much better early this summer. People were getting vaccinated, including us. It looked like we had "normal" within sight. So, the decision was made.

And, even though that "normal in sight" was quickly fading with a new and worse strain of Coronavirus rearing it's ugly head, I stuck with my decision and registered him for daycare. 

He went the very first day that the other kids started school, which was last Wednesday. Then, that evening, I get a text from the daycare that they were closing the rest of the week because they'd had a case of Coronavirus. They were going to take a couple of days to clean the place and rethink their strategy to keep kids safe. Since I had already paid for the next week, I decided to go ahead and very reluctantly bring him back on Monday. Monday evening, he had a runny nose. By Tuesday morning, he was extremely sick. I thought, "This is it. It's finally hit us from my own stupidity and selfishness". 

Well, it turned out to be RSV and a bacterial infection. Double Whammy, but it was not Coronavirus. But, RSV is almost as bad. If he can pick up two different illnesses in the two days he was actually there, what are the odds of him not eventually picking up Coronavirus there? Slim to nothing.

I'm not doing this kiddo or me any favors by keeping him home and trying to work while taking care of him. He's bored and bored at a critical time when he needs lots of stimulus and learning opportunities. I'm frustrated trying to get my work done and still trying to do a good job of giving him that stimulus and those learning opportunities. Daycare will be beneficial for him and me. But, does the risk outweigh the reward?

I'd love to just quit my job and stay home with him. But, I actually like my job and have this little thing called a mortgage. I can't just quit my job. 

I'm sure that I'm not the only one facing this dilemma right now. What's the right thing to do? How do I keep my family safe? It's a question millions of mothers are likely asking themselves right now. I'm sure there are fathers asking the same question but, reality check, most of it falls on us. And, unfortunately, there's no good answers to those questions. 

I have no idea what decision is right. Neither is good. So, I'm going to throw my little pity party for myself this morning over a cup of coffee. Then I'm going pull myself together and take care of this sick baby and get my work done, too. And, at some point this week, I actually need to decide what I'm going to do. And, I'm going to take a look at the calendar and figure out when I can take the teenager to get her permit. But, seriously, Coronavirus has added a brand new element to the whole "Mom Guilt" equation. 

Housekeeping Sucks and You Have to Do It EVERY FREAKING DAY Until You Die

I've tried everything and let's face it, I'm disorganized. I mean, I've walked into a lot of other women's homes who are just as busy as I am and their homes are clean, neat, and even decorated with cute stuff on the walls. What's wrong with me? Obviously there's something wrong with me. At least that's what I used to believe.

For a long time, I decided I was just broken or wasn't born with some cleaning gene that other women were born with. Or maybe they just read the right article or watched the right YouTube video and it gave them some secret that my mother never passed down to me. 

Surely there's trick to keeping up with it all. I'm a big sucker for articles or YouTube videos like "5 Easy Steps to an Organized Home" or "20 Tips for Clean House". I'd much rather read an article or watch a YouTube video about decluttering and cleaning than actually freaking doing it. I mean why do it when I'm clearly broken and can't do it without that dang gene or secret? And, someday, I'll find that secret out and keeping my house will be easy.

I'm almost 50 years old and still struggle with a messy home. I'd like to be able to use my kids as an excuse or maybe even my husband. After all, they really do leave their crap everywhere. And I do have a lot of kids. But, even when I had only one, the house was a disaster. And I was down to two kids until the end of 2019 and my house was still a disaster.

Then in my perusing YouTube for what the secret is, I came across this lady named Dana K. White from A Slob Comes Clean and she actually had the secret. You know what it was? Drum roll....there isn't one. You just have to freaking do it EVERY FREAKING DAY. You have to establish habits that you do every day. Dishes get dirty every day and you have to clean them every day. Clothes get worn every day and you have to deal with them all the time. It doesn't end. There's no magic trick. There's no such thing as a quick fix. There's no cleaning gene that I can switch on. There's no article or YouTube video that's going to fix my broken cleaning gene in 5 easy steps.

Every thing on my messy kitchen countertop has to get put away EVERY FREAKING DAY. The dirty socks my son and husband leave everywhere have to get picked up EVERY FREAKING DAY. 

You know what? It worked. When I started spending time EVERY FREAKING DAY establishing habits of doing the dishes, doing the laundry, going around picking things up, cleaning my floors, and other BS chores that I FREAKING HATE DOING, my house looked better.

You know what else? It sucks. But, it sucks less and less the more I do it. If I don't do it every day, it sucks a whole lot more. Two days worth of dishes sucks a lot more that one days worth. A few weeks worth of laundry sucks a whole lot more than a few days worth. Cleaning off my countertop every day sucks a lot less than letting it all pile up for weeks and then not being able to even find what I need to cook when I have three hungry kids. 

It really does suck that there's not some magic trick, though. Having to actually do it really does suck but I kind of like having a cleaner house and clean underwear. 

You know what else I discovered? When I keep up with the laundry, I don't actually need 500 pairs of underwear or 10 pairs of jeans. And fewer pieces of clothing means less clothes to wash and more room in my closet. I didn't actually need 10 spatulas when my favorite spatula gets washed every day. 

Seriously, though, who would have really thought that the secret to a clean house was actually cleaning it? I sure didn't. It never even occurred to me that was the answer I was looking for. It really does suck, though. 

My house is far from perfect but, it's better. I'm happy with better.

My actual kitchen as I write this!

So, thank you Dana K. White at A Slob Comes Clean for letting me in on the secret that there is no secret or gene or trick to keeping my house clean. It really does suck, though. I really have a lot better things to do than clean my house.