Bad Photographs and God's Perfect Timing

I am never in family photographs. I'd love to say it's because I'm always the one taking the pictures. That would be true but not quite the full truth.  I think, like a lot of women, I don't like how I look in pictures. They remind me of how overweight I am. They remind me of how old I'm starting to look. They remind of how perfectly imperfect I actually am.

My youngest child turned seven this week. Naturally, I went digging through baby pictures of him trying to find the perfect pictures to post on Facebook in celebration of his special day. When I came across this one, I chose not to use it because I, in all my imperfection, was in it. But, for the last few days, I keep going back to this picture and looking at it again and again.  This picture perfectly captures a moment in time that completely changed our family forever.

We had only completed the adoption of our younger daughter (also pictured) a few months before this picture was taken. With three kids already, we weren't really planning on having another child. My husband had been hurt at work and had gone through multiple surgeries and was still in constant pain. I had reluctantly gone back to work after he was hurt instead of doing what I loved most - being a stay at home mother. Now, he was the one at home with the kids. Switching places wasn't easy on either of us. Being at home was the last place my husband wanted to be and being at work was the last place I wanted to be. On top of working, we lived in North Dallas and my commute to and from work was at least 45 minutes each way in good traffic. Life was exceptionally difficult during this time. 

But... (doesn't life always seem to have "buts"?)

When we received the call that our adopted daughter's newborn little brother was being taken from the hospital straight into foster care, we suddenly had a big decision to make. It was tempting to take the easy route. Considering our circumstances, we had every reason not to take him. But, God has better plans for us than we have for ourselves. He put it on our hearts to say yes to this little baby boy.

This picture was taken just a few days after he was placed with us. I was completely exhausted from taking care of a newborn while still working a full time job. I look awful in this picture. But, I also look like the beautiful disaster that all mothers of newborns are. 

I can look at this picture today and give myself the mercy I should give myself more often. I don't have time for make-up. I don't have time to go to the gym. It's OK that I'm getting older. It's OK that I seem to have more white hair in pictures than I see in the mirror. It's OK to look exhausted in a picture because I am exhausted from doing what I love, being these children's mother.

And it's OK to bite off more than you think you can chew when God calls on you to do it. I can trust that He has already worked out the details of how to make it work, even when it seems impossible. His timing is perfect even when it appears to us mere humans to be the worst possible time.

Happy Birthday, Little Man!